redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
