I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
