My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
