Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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