why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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