If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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