Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
