Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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