i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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