i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
