i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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