you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
