Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
