eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
