I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
