it was like his penis was on wheels.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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