where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
