I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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