Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
