and she was petting her beer can
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
