apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
