I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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