He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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