Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
