I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
