I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i drank out of a bidet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
