You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
