Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i barfeds in our rink
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
