I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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