Please, let me fuck your mom
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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