He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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