haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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