1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
