3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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