Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize