On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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