Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
