That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
