Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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