Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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