I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
