Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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