so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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