Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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