that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
