I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
