I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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