the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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