i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
