he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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