eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
