you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So squirting runs in the family.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
