if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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