Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
