Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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