Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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