Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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