i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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