I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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