You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
