Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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