we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
