my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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