At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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