I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
