She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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