just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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