I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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